At the Darkest Hour

Previously written on 23rd June 2016

In Australia, and the Southern Hemisphere in general, we have passed through the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year.  In the leadup to this time, there has been a period of shedding, a letting go of what no longer serves me in my life.  This particular shedding has been a long time coming, ,and has brought with it some cost.  The worst part has been to be without my family nearby, like they were for more than 20 years since I first became a mother.  The kids have all grown and carving out their own lives, as it should be.  I have been in Jervis Bay now for going on six weeks now, and although the timeframe itself isn't terribly long, the reality of being an empty nester in a new area, a new house, and a complete change of existence, has sunk in.  The weather gods haven't always been kind, either, as there have been some torrential rainfall and gale force winds which have effectively made me feel even more cut off.  Luckily, I do know people in the local area and I'm not completely alone, but this darkest period before the onset of winter is always hard.

The shedding had already begun when the house in Helensburgh was sold and I eventually found the house that I now call home.  This was a precursor to a divorce settlement - something else which has weighed heavily upon me for some years, because I lived in the marital home with the kids while they were growing up.  Once my youngest child turned 18, it was time to get the ball rolling in my bid for freedom.  I have no real personal issue against the ex, and the split was amicable.  Having said that, the time for moral obligations were over.  The house was sold, I bought the new place, moved away, and filed my divorce papers recently. Last Saturday, I went to a women's circle honouring the cycles and seasons.  I must say, there was a lot more shedding involved than I had expected.  It took quite a bit out of me, although at the same time, it was a blessed relief to finally own up about how I was feeling to other people.  After that, I received an invite to dinner from a friend who lives nearby and a great night was had.  I spent the following day at home wanting to hibernate, despite being invited to another event.  It was as well that I did stay home, because the weather had once again turned for the worse.

Monday was moving into the full moon phase of Gemini/Sagittarius and I set about making a roast pork feast to honour the Norse God Freyr, along with the other Gods and Goddesses, and my ancestors.  The full moon came out long enough for me to serve my feast and raise the horn in honour before the rains came again.  So, despite the bad weather, I had been blessed with timing so that I would uphold my midwinter ritual.  Tuesday was Yule proper and the whales are currently migrating north.  I had hoped to see them by the water but there was no sighting at that moment.  What I did, instead, was walk along Huskisson beach and found one particularly pleasant surprise.  The photo below reminds me of what I would call a water henge, rocks by the water's edge, and while not forming a full circle, it certainly resembles that of a henge.

I found some shells, and while I'm not able to collect from that part of the bay, I put them in the henge as an offering, and gave one of my own crystals to the local water spirit.  Huskisson is my happy place, somewhere I go when the chips are down, and I always feel a sense of peace afterwards.  That's when I remember the reason for moving down here.  I wasn't getting a lot of work back at the old place, the kids have grown, my life had become stagnant and there was this need to move on.

Last night saw me use up the rest of my mead in an offering to the Norns, the Wyrd sisters to whom I converse now and then about my lot in life and where I go to next.  I also had some memories that I wrote on a piece of paper and burned afterwards.  Cold and windy as last night was, it was nonetheless achieved, especially since the normal yule fire I would burn wasn't viable.  Burning the papers in some sage was as close as I could get to lighting a fire.

The final bit of shedding in relation to my former home life was destroying old papers today.  What a relief it was to finally be able to do that!  For me, it was another step to moving on towards the next phase of my life.  While shredding paper may not seem like much, it was significant for me, allowing me to finally remove that excess baggage I no longer need, the gorilla which rode on my back for so long can finally be gone!  I'm finally on my way to achieving the independent lifestyle I had craved for so long.  And that's a good thing!  Till next time, Wassail!

Saturn Pluto Square

Previously written on 19th June 2016

Well, it's certainly been a while between posts!  Since my last post, I had a biopsy on my right breast to rule out any cancer, and thankfully, it did!  My daughter was pregnant and I'm now the proud first time Nanna of a most beautiful seven month old girl who I love to absolute bits!  I have also sold up and moved away from my old home for the last 20 years, now calling the Jervis Bay area of New South Wales my home.  I moved there on Friday 13th May, and while there was a slight delay with the keys being collected from the real estate, owing to settlement being finalised, I finally collected them and moved in.

While this has been a most exciting time in my life - and a necessary move so that I may begin again - it hasn't been without its challenges.  The last two or so weeks in particular have been tough, and I have been looking at the slower moving planets to see what may have been going on, and from where I would find the answers I needed to have any understanding.  In the end, the answers have been revealing themselves by way of dear old Father Time Saturn, making a retrograde square with my natal Pluto, planet of exposure and destruction, making way for rebuilding and regeneration.  These two planets in this formation want redress with our past, shaking us at the very core of our foundations to the point that there is no choice but for us to demolish what no longer works for us so we may start again.

Now, for those of us born in the generation between 1956-1971, when Pluto was making its transit in the zodiac sign of Virgo, transiting Saturn has been squaring off at various times with natal Pluto since it began its move into Sagittarius on 19th September 2015.  How it plays out for an individual will vary, depending on house placements and aspects with other planets.  For the moment, I will focus on this very significant aspect between Saturn and Pluto.

Saturn is the faster moving planet out of the two, taking approximately 2 1/2 years to transit through each sign.  It is also the last of the personal planets which can be seen with the naked eye in the sky.  Saturn is about solidity, laying foundations, the square, the rule of law and order, limitations and restrictions.  I referred earlier to Saturn by calling him old father time.  In the seven ages of man, from the Moon through to Saturn, life is about our birth to our eventual deaths.  Saturn also imparts great wisdom on to us, should we seek it and be prepared to know and understand the lessons that life would teach us.  Memories and fate would also play out here, as we reach the age of looking back through our lives more, knowing that our mortal path will take us on a different journey.  We become the elders who would teach the younger generations what we learned and practiced so that traditions may continue to thrive before we pass.

Pluto was discovered in 1930, during the time of the great depression, and what a time that was for its discovery!  After the stock market crash on Wall Street in 1929, shares were wiped off, devaluing currency, causing widespread unemployment, families to fragment and fall apart after becoming homeless and destitute.  It was felt the world over, a world which was barely recovering from the aftermath of World War I.  Pluto is the planet of sitting in the depths, waiting for things and situations to fester and build, like a volcano which is ready to erupt.  Eventually, the switch is flicked and all hell breaks loose.  It especially breaks loose when foundations are built on lies and deception, the double cross which comes from corruption.  Cracks appear in the foundations, and still the foundations are piled on and built up until it can't take any more.  This is the "Enough is enough!" moment.  Pluto doesn't act like the sudden shock and movement which can be seen from Uranus.  It builds, and takes years before it finally takes hold, becoming more widespread.  Pluto on its own speaks about how generations are affected

Back to the aspects between these two powerful planets.  As aspects to be looked at without adding anything else to the mix at this point, we see how these two play out. The staunch and immovable attitude of Saturn doesn't want to be shaken up by Pluto.  Saturn likes being where he is and isn't keen on change.  But change must come, as that's the only certainty in our lives.  Order brings with it a stagnancy, the mundane and acceptance that can be downright boring, waiting for something to stir the pot, so to speak.  Pluto can wait patiently in its deepest, darkest recesses of the world until the right time comes for the monumental shakeup, to bring forth what's no longer acceptable for us, tear down those foundations which were once solid, those foundations which no longer hold true, because change is on its way.  I speak metaphorically, although it can sometimes physically occur in this manner.  Saturn and Pluto truly collide with this square aspect, and if we continue to stand rooted to our spot, refusing to accept what needs to change in our lives, then what occurs can be truly catastrophic.  While change can't be avoided, the better that we prepare for it in the best way that we're able, the lesser the fallout and damage will be wrought.

I'm going to offer a brief overview on where and how these planets will be redressed through the respective houses in the square aspects, although I will cover a more detailed explanation in relation to how that plays out for me at this moment, and what I can expect over the next few months.

If your natal Pluto in Virgo is in your first house, Saturn in Sagittarius will form a square in the fourth house.  The first house is about yourself and how you want to present yourself to the world, while the fourth house is where and how secure you feel in your home environment.  There may be the possibility of having experienced restrictions and limitations placed on you in your home life, or else you crave solidity and security.  You would present yourself to the world as someone who is secretive and mysterious, how you are to the world and what your home life is are two very different things, and if you're not careful, something that you've taken great pains to hide can run the risk of being exposed for everyone to see.  Is there a denial of who you really are, the fear of not being accepted for who you are and you feel the need to present a mask?  That mask will come off sooner than later.  If it's not a mask, it may be about striving to find the right balance with who you are and what restricted you from being so in the past, thus redressing that in order to move forward.

If Pluto is in the second, Saturn squares in the fifth.  The second house is about our material worth, the pleasures we seek from our material wealth and what we have accumulated, while the fifth house speaks of love affairs, creative endeavours and children.