I write this after having taken my granddaughter to Huskisson beach this morning, while she is enjoying an afternoon nap. I hope that this post doesn't come across as patronising, like a lot of memes about living in the moment tend to do. In saying this, there has been nothing more important for me at this time but living in the moment, and I will endeavour to write from my perspective.
It's been nearly five months now since I moved to the Bay and Basin area. From the word go, I had been doing as many of the local markets over the winter months as I could. Not much money had been earned and sometimes, I even went home at a loss, which made me rather despondent. I was lucky enough to have had some money to live on after the sale of my previous home but this money has since dried up.
I had played the patience game, looking at markets like a reconnaissance mission in order for people to get to know who I am and what I do over a period of time - and I was doing that throughout Winter, when trade of any sort slows right down in an area reliant on tourism. Trying not to panic when bills start to stack up and everything possible is being done to avoid falling behind. What hasn't helped was feeling ill. I have had a raft of medical appointments to try and find out why I kept having dizzy spells and headaches. I also had infected ears, which, thankfully, have come good since they were last irrigated. I have also had my eyes checked, and while my short sight is seeing better days (please pardon that pun!), my long sight is much improved, and to the point that I no longer need to wear glasses while I drive. Very pleasing! Blood pressure is fine, no sign of thyroid or diabetes, although my cholesterol is slightly up. Reassessing my diet should change that. None of these have explained my dizzy spells and I'm still none the wiser. I mention my illness because looking for work has brought me unstuck, and not allowing me to earn money the way I want to at the moment.
Now, I just think "Fuck it." I can't change what's happened in the past and I can't afford to look too far ahead in terms of what I want to happen because it causes more despondency for me by believing that I've somehow failed in my achievements. There is also no point for me in looking too far ahead because there are no guarantees beyond putting one foot in front of the other. That's it! It's a tough ask for somebody like me because I like to make plans and set goals. I've never been in the situation that I'm in now, to chase the money without having had anything else to fall back on - and this is precisely why my perspective has changed.
While I still want to know what the cause of my headaches and dizzy spells are, I believe that worrying about my current scenario has caused more of them. Since I've been minding my granddaughter over this long weekend, my focus has been on her and in the moment. I live some distance away from my family now and seeing them isn't as regular as it used to be. So while I have my granddaughter this weekend - and catching up with my other family members at other times - I'm making this moment count and enjoy it for what it really is. Everything else can be sorted when it needs to be. When my granddaughter goes home, I can focus once more on what I want and narrow it down to a point in time that I can cope with - without that feeling of losing control and getting scared of the future. It's not worth the worry. It's not about ignoring my situation, by any means. It's about focusing on what lies ahead, step by step, and turning my fortunes around in this fashion.
I hope that by sharing my current situation, it inspires you, the reader, to simply enjoy the moment. While I don't know what your moment is, I know how it has felt for myself.
Till next time, Wassail!
No comments:
Post a Comment